She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
