I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
