I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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