martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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