Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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