she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
