Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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