also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
