that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
