My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I have post one night stand depression
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