I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need moral support for this bender
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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