You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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