I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
