No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
