I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
