i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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