can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
