She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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