My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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