her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
