That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
