This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
