His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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