so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
