before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
