yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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