I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
