On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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