i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Go christen that room with your naked body.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize