I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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