Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
