The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
