I bet he comes in French.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
