Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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