She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
