my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
