remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
