you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
