You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
