they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
