god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
NoShamevember. You game?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
