she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
