It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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