How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
