Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
