I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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