dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
