Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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