i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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