I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
