TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
