Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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