ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
