have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do vagina's smell?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
