her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
