he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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