Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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