My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
