Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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