I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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