I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
