the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
