O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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