Yo dont text me then not text me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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