whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
now i know why i became what i already was.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
